Redefining Father’s Day: A Single Mom’s Perspective
“A father gives you life, but a dad takes care of you.” - Damesha Craig
It’s a quote I’ve carried in my heart as a single mother raising two beautiful children—children who, while deeply loved, don’t share a strong bond with the man who helped bring them into this world. And a way for me to explain to my son and daughter the difference between presence and responsibility—because one day, my son may become a father, and my daughter may choose to raise children of her own with her future husband. I want them to understand that love isn’t just about biology—it’s about showing up, nurturing, and choosing to be there, day after day.
Father’s Day can be complicated. Whether your father is no longer here, your relationship is strained, or a connection was never there to begin with, this day can stir many emotions. For many, it’s a joyful occasion filled with backyard barbecues, brunches, handmade cards, and expressions of gratitude for a man who was there—present, protective, and loving. But for others, it’s a quiet day. A tender or sad reminder. A missing piece.
In my home, we celebrate love in all its forms—but we also honor truth. And the truth is, not every child grows up with a consistent, supportive father figure. And not every father is a dad who can show up in the way children need.
What Do We Celebrate, Really?
Father’s Day is often framed as a day of honor and gratitude. But who gets that honor? Who earns that gratitude? A man who contributes biologically? Or someone who shows up consistently—emotionally, spiritually, and physically?
I teach my children that love isn’t just a title—it’s a series of actions. And while I respect the role of “father” for the life he helped create, the title of “dad” is something far more sacred. It is earned through presence, protection, and participation - spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially.
Holding Space for the Unspoken
I know I’m not alone. Many mothers navigate this day with complex emotions—trying to answer the innocent questions, trying to soften the sting of absence, trying to give our children the full picture without painting over the pain.
To the moms out there who carry the weight of both roles… I see you.
To the children who are still waiting for a call, a visit, or a genuine apology… I see you.
To the men who chose to step in, who love children they didn’t create, who lead with compassion and heart and the incredible dads… we celebrate you, and we love you.
Redefining Fatherhood
Fatherhood isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up. It’s about being safe, providing, protecting, being consistent, and emotionally available. If a father cannot or will not fill that space to be a dad, we must allow others to. That may be a godfather, grandfather, an uncle, a teacher, a coach, or even a community of women raising children with fierce love and unmatched strength.
As a mother, I’ve chosen to raise my children with open hearts and open eyes. We don’t pretend. We process. We name the truth, and we release the shame and forgive. And in doing so, we create space for healing, for redefining what family looks like, and for planting seeds of worthiness that no absence can uproot.
Redefining Father’s Day with my Children
My children and I have redefined what “Father’s Day” means in our home. We honor their father for the life he helped bring into the world—because our children were created in love, and that love is always worth acknowledging and I am grateful.
I’ve taught them that people can only meet you, love you, and show up for you as deeply as they can for themselves. And sometimes, that means we don’t receive what we hoped for—but it doesn’t mean we are any less worthy of love, presence, or care.
When they would ask, “Why don’t we celebrate Father’s Day like everyone else?” I would tell them:
In our home, we celebrate those who give us life AND we celebrate those who show up with love. We honor their father for the life he helped create and respect the way he chooses—or chooses not—to be present. That choice is his to make.
We also honor consistency over titles, and presence over perfection. We embrace every part of our story—the beautiful, the painful, and the healing in between.
So this Father’s Day, we hold space—for grief, for gratitude, for growth.
And we keep moving forward.
With love.
With honesty.
With gratitude for it all.
Happy Father’s Day to the males who gave us life and the men who choose to be dads—and to the single mothers who carry it all with unwavering grace.
